I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
