Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
