Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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