I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
