please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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