Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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