I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
