So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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