We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
