Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
