i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
