So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
