I just made out with a guy for $7.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦‍♀️
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
