I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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