I'm going to jail i love you
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I will pee on everything he values.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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