these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
