'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
