You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
