That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I have already put on my inside pants.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
