hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
