dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
