he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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