Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
