i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
