sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
