I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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