so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
