Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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