just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We have started to decorate penises.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
