my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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