WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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