I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
