Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
