Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
