i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
