For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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