Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
