my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
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He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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