I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
