Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
