On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
