My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
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I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
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She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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