you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize