i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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