cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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