she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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