I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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