her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
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I will be naked everywhere
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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