I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
