Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
