Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
