her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
