I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
