I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
