You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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