I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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