How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
this boner is exhausting
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
this will be a night to untag.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
