Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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