FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
