So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
