2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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