Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
