Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
