Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
