you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
