my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
