i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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