Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This is classic penis vs brain.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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