Don't make out with my wife yet
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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