i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize