It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
