saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
