i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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