you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
