I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
